is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
