Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
