I look better un-naked...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
