hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
