she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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