normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
third nipple confirmed
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
