the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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