Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
