U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
