Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
