i would punch a child for taco bell
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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