He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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