I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize