She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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