those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
