I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize