So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
