I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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