if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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