so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
