he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
