Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
