Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
