u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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