checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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