i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
