Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Randomize
