If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
