I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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