is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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