I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
