If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I queefed so loud it echoed.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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