So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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