Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
