Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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