STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
