dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
