I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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