I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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