i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
