I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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