i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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