You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
