So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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