he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
