dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
