I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
