he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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