she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
