After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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