I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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