it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
then he tried to convert me to islam
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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