the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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