She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize