Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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