I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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