wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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