Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I deserve this hangover.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
