I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
