Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
