its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
