Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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