a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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