Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
