pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I look better un-naked...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
