the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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