Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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