Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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