my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
only you would photoshop your dick
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
