uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
