Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
be right there i have to get my cape
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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