walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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